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We're all mad here <3

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Level 10 Artist
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Latest News

i'm dying...

4 days ago by SileNt-Sam

Well ... i really don't know where to start from ... and yeah you're probably saying its just another one of my depression periods and that's true... but this time is different .. i never thought i'd say this but i feel so weak .. its like the 100th time i get depressed this year but this time is different .. its bigger than just depression this time .. way bigger .. its digging deep in my heart and feels like something is eating the core of my soul .. i feel so lost .. so i went to a priest seeking his help and bless .. and honestly i'm not sure if he helped me or actually made it worse on me .. but truth be told he opened my eyes on things i didn't know... don't know how or why but it Made me feel even more lost and hurt ... i know it sounds stupid to you but while i'm writing this i'm missing my grave more than anytime else ... that's why i feel weak .. i always laughed on people who suicide and about how weak they're .. but now i cant blame them .. i bet i feel much worse than what they used to feel ... i swear it feels like my whole life was a lie ... like what lived building all these years has just crashed and burned to ashes... i swear my head hurts like hell its about to blow ... all my dreams and fantasies were the base of my hell .. even my best friends were the ones who hurts me the most and they didn't even know.. its all my fault .. When i finally thought my life is perfect turned out it wasn't ever worse .. my whole life crashed in 3 seconds and that's the time toke me to understand the priests words and realize that my last hope just crashed... ugh and my head hurts like hell from all that stress and thinking ... i don't know why i'm even writing this it doesn't matter anymore ... the Sam you always knew is dead inside.. just another lost soul waiting for its judgment day .. i always been showing off about how tough and smart i am .. never thought it takes me seconds to watch my life crashing down .. so many things chanced this day .. i cant draw anymore because its a "sin" .. i cant be the true me because its a "sin" .. i cant be with my best friends because they're homosexuals or "sinners" like they said ... the only thing i can do and not a sin is staying alone ... the only things that been keeping me alive is now a sin ... what i'm living for then ? They say depression is temporary and soon you'll feel better ...but for me being depressed is the main life and being happy is the temporary satiation ... and that's seriously killing me inside .. never seen life this gray before .. no matter how many people i helped and people i made smile i never found anyone can do the same back to me.. anyways ..  i still got loads of things to say but okay i'll stop bitching about it .. i really need to sleep now .. and truly i don't wanna wake up afterward .. thanks for your support everyone , i greatly appreciate it .. it was nice meeting you all 

Latest Shared Creations

coal Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds May 29, 2014. Load Level
bad poker face Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Sep 25, 2013. Load Level
ass Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Sep 8, 2013. Load Level
ass Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Sep 7, 2013. Load Level
tricky the clown Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Apr 13, 2013. Load Level
bleed it out Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Mar 16, 2013. Load Level

Recent Game Medals

The Midnight Massacre 25 Points Kill 100 zombies Medal Stats.
Lil' green death parcels 5 Points Unlock the grenade Medal Stats.
Keeping it in the family 5 Points Unlock the Bazooka Medal Stats.
Both Barrels 5 Points Unlock the shotgun Medal Stats.
The 80s all over 5 Points Destroy 5 explosive barrels Medal Stats.
Three's a crowd 5 Points Take out 3 enemies at the same time Medal Stats.
MacGruber's Apprentice 5 Points Make a kill using an object in the environment Medal Stats.
First Blood 5 Points Kill your first zombie! Medal Stats.
Kill First Boss 10 Points Kill the first boss Medal Stats.
20 Kills 5 Points Kill 20 enemies Medal Stats.

Total Medals Earned: 356 (From 72 different games.)