Entry #333

i'm dying...

2014-09-12 15:23:50 by SileNt-Sam

Well ... i really don't know where to start from ... and yeah you're probably saying its just another one of my depression periods and that's true... but this time is different .. i never thought i'd say this but i feel so weak .. its like the 100th time i get depressed this year but this time is different .. its bigger than just depression this time .. way bigger .. its digging deep in my heart and feels like something is eating the core of my soul .. i feel so lost .. so i went to a priest seeking his help and bless .. and honestly i'm not sure if he helped me or actually made it worse on me .. but truth be told he opened my eyes on things i didn't know... don't know how or why but it Made me feel even more lost and hurt ... i know it sounds stupid to you but while i'm writing this i'm missing my grave more than anytime else ... that's why i feel weak .. i always laughed on people who suicide and about how weak they're .. but now i cant blame them .. i bet i feel much worse than what they used to feel ... i swear it feels like my whole life was a lie ... like what lived building all these years has just crashed and burned to ashes... i swear my head hurts like hell its about to blow ... all my dreams and fantasies were the base of my hell .. even my best friends were the ones who hurts me the most and they didn't even know.. its all my fault .. When i finally thought my life is perfect turned out it wasn't ever worse .. my whole life crashed in 3 seconds and that's the time toke me to understand the priests words and realize that my last hope just crashed... ugh and my head hurts like hell from all that stress and thinking ... i don't know why i'm even writing this it doesn't matter anymore ... the Sam you always knew is dead inside.. just another lost soul waiting for its judgment day .. i always been showing off about how tough and smart i am .. never thought it takes me seconds to watch my life crashing down .. so many things chanced this day .. i cant draw anymore because its a "sin" .. i cant be the true me because its a "sin" .. i cant be with my best friends because they're homosexuals or "sinners" like they said ... the only thing i can do and not a sin is staying alone ... the only things that been keeping me alive is now a sin ... what i'm living for then ? They say depression is temporary and soon you'll feel better ...but for me being depressed is the main life and being happy is the temporary satiation ... and that's seriously killing me inside .. never seen life this gray before .. no matter how many people i helped and people i made smile i never found anyone can do the same back to me.. anyways ..  i still got loads of things to say but okay i'll stop bitching about it .. i really need to sleep now .. and truly i don't wanna wake up afterward .. thanks for your support everyone , i greatly appreciate it .. it was nice meeting you all 


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janfon1janfon1

2014-09-12 15:41:39

Oh... holy mother of God...
Whatever you do don't kill yourse-
"Meeeh, fuck you I don't care."
Of course. I had a friend who wanted to suicide and I tried to stop him. He always said no.
Rest in Piece old man...
So, you have a depression? I can't help you, because you will ignore every single part of my support.
Hope you will get over your depression.

SileNt-Sam responds:

nah i won't suicide i'm not that stupid .. but i feel so lost .. i can't deny i wanna die but not suicide .. i'm not that weak


VicariousEVicariousE

2014-09-12 16:08:58

I have a gay friend and I know he's going to heaven, don't sweat it, just love conditionally!
Love, even if you might get hurt by it, love, but don't hold it too tightly, let it go where it will.
God needs people that love with their heart, don't disappoint Him by killing or hurting yourself or your feelings!

SileNt-Sam responds:

(sorry for late respond)
well that's what i tried to believe but that's not what most priests says .. anyways i'm not gonna hurt myself or do anything like that but i think i need some time alone to put my mind up and think about all that :\ hope what you're saying is right and that's what i always knew but lately i HAD to change that .. ugh anyways that one of my 99 problems now , i'll deal with the others and be back to this later .. thx man


1999Elias1999Elias

2014-09-12 16:18:07

Hear me, you're not obligated to nothing in this earth, you're not obligated to stop seeing or talking with your friends, no matter if they're homosexuals or not, this isn't a sin, be yourself isn't a sin, be depressed isn't a sin (if it was I would be the biggest sinner in this planet).
The best way to know the true (if this is what you need) is read the Bible, there you will know everything you need for sure, I admit I'm not someone that read all the days the Bible (all the time I try to read it I get sleepy) and no one too to point to someone, be about sins, problems, whatever it is about.
If you don't know, I always thought: "Why I live? Who would miss me if I disappear someday? What am I supposed to do in my whole life?" and much more questions that nobody in this earth can tell me, wanted several times to die or to kill myself, but never got courage to do it, else I would be taking something I don't own.
Don't feel so bad about sins, nobody is perfect man, I'm a big sinner and I admit I deserve the death because this, but Someone loved so much the world that gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life, and I'm sure you know you're important, not just to Him, but to all of us ;)
Peace man, and have a good day :)

SileNt-Sam responds:

(sorry for late respond)
you got a good point .. i try thinking about that to make me feel better sometimes :)
thx man


AmaranthusAmaranthus

2014-09-12 16:28:11

nah

SileNt-Sam responds:

too lazy to write something ? nah


TheDyingSunTheDyingSun

2014-09-12 17:05:15

No, no, no, brother! Artists get to draw whatever they like, BROTHER, I've been through this! Look beyond the wrong and see the right, People lie to us yes, but we always seek the truth and one day with turn their own lies against them, the days may get longer and longer, but we still stand together. I've been sensing somethings are going to happen, but I will pray our kind will be safe, NO NO NO. In my moral code I have it saying don't end your own life! Even with darkness there is light. no matter how small it comes, things have been ripping me apart, but no matter what happens we have to keep in control, I couldn't sleep for a few nights because all the pain I felt kept getting to me, Miroisk hates me, and I'd kill Miroisk if she would be standing if front of me in her lying, death defying form, I'd cause her the pain he made fester inside me, We have to do what we have to do, Good people don't go to heaven, Only FORGIVEN PEOPLE. HUMANS ARE IMPERFECT, I don't even stick to my own schedules, Sometimes a voice in my head wants me to quit, but I shake it off and continue, even though it comes back stronger, we become stronger, While typing this the insane part of me is basically saying that, "Quit, quit! quit!!! QUIT!!!!!!" BROTHER, PLEASE! I COULD CRY! Honestly, between you and Melindi, I hate to admit it, but I have a stronger connection with you, it's just a sense I had that I would have to be by your side, Brother, Your time is not now to go! There is so much more, I was asked for a prompt in class, what would I do in the last hour of MY LIFE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL, YET IT IS NOT TIME, Brother, we have to stick together, One brick alone is a piece, but pieces together create a building, and many buildings make a city, we may seem small, but to your friends, your so very important to us! Taka beat me down when I was trying to protect my friends from harm, and to my friends, I was special, I was creative, strong, and kind, Becauase of our choices we are who we are, We wanted to be special, and we got what we wanted, MIROISK CAN'T GET ME, SHE'S JUST ME, WE CAN"T TURN BACK ON THE PAST, EXCEPT PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE, Please oh please, stay brother, I know this is serious because I KNOW YOU, but I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE IT ANOTHER DAY, if I found you at my doorstep and my parents wouldn't let you in, I'd still help in my own ways. Please brother, we are strong...

SileNt-Sam responds:

oh sis sorry for making you worried .. don't worry i'd never hurt myself or anything like that .. i'm just feeling pretty empty after what that priest said to me .. ugh i knew i shouldn't ask him anyways .. but indeed .. believe it or not that's what keeps me going forward .. every time i get this feelings i remember what you said :)
it's been a week now since i wrote that but i swear it felt like yesterday .. it's like i've been sleeping the whole week and just woke up .. anyways i'm feeling a bit better now .. i had to spend some time alone and think about all that .. and i think the best way to reach the truth is what Elias said .. the holy book , it's been a wile since i read it .. that's the only way and that's what i'm gonna do hopefully .. but till that time don't worry about me i'll be fine :)
also i got finals soon i won't be online much longer the next couple weeks .. ugh that's the last thing i need .. but anyways hope you'll do great as well and we'll talk again soon :)


DetrailedFiresDetrailedFires

2014-09-12 19:12:31

To me it sounds like the people telling you that something is a sin are the bad ones. I can't say that i'm an expert or that I have all the answers but if people are telling you not to hang with other people for no valid reason then they are wrong. Drawing especially because in the end art is different to everyone. one thing I think we can all agree on is that we all use it in some way to express ourselves.

Sorry for the long winded speech but I just don't want anyone else to think I'm not there for them.

SileNt-Sam responds:

(sorry for late respond)
indeed , that's what i think .. but they come up with quotes from the holy book that supports what they're saying so i can't talk back .. anyways .. thanks man , i'll see what i can do about it


ManaSakuraManaSakura

2014-09-12 19:22:32

I feel ya! </3
Please do not get depressed, artist can draw whatever they want, but sometimes, depression gets in their way (like my sister) and then they say "I'm too depressed to draw", like what happened to me when I recieved a poor grade in Music, it made me depressed. I'm no expert at telling which is good and which is bad, but a sin is bad. You cant stop. Please, hear these words of mine. Dont expect someone to say "QUIT IT, QUIT IT WITH THE ART!", just ignore them, and move on.

SileNt-Sam responds:

indeed .. and that's what i'm gonna do hopefully :)


NekoMikaNekoMika

2014-09-12 21:50:55

Not sure if you'll be reading this my friend (funny I say that since we rarely speak :( ), but to isolate yourself from friends is a terrible thing. Much worse if it is the ones you loved. I should know since I kind of began to isolate myself from people during my final years of high school and it just made me more sad than anything to no longer be talking to anyone.

Being alone is the worst thing. Even the strongest of kitties need a friend or two to speak to. Without a friend in the world, the world feels like a very empty place to live. The priest may have said a lot you did are "sins." But you know what? You're a teen, you should be enjoying life, love, drawing, doing what makes you feel happy; not living sad and alone because someone higher up in your religion said what you enjoy in life is a "sin."

I kind of stopped being religious years ago because they had a "I'm better than everyone else because I have better standards THAN ANYONE ELSE" and I grew tired of it. I'm very loosely affiliated with that religion anymore. Even having to follow such strict standards in that religion makes you feel that miserable and alone, then stop caring. Just enjoy life.

Depression is a bitch, it can suck the soul out of you. Should try to stick around positive people and even if it does not always makes you feel better, try to at least make some effort to be happy. Don't let the depression defeat you, you defeat the depression and earn your happiness as it goes.

Point is, you're never truly alone, you always have friends to talk and vent to. I'm not a therapist but I will listen. Hugs.

SileNt-Sam responds:

(sorry for late respond)
all what you said is right expect the religious part .. well yeah i guess that's what i should do .. thx :)


RedAndrewRedAndrew

2014-09-13 00:55:10

Your're just a Teenager. If you read about teens, you will know that what your're feeling is normal. I felt (long time ago) that I wanted to be murdered. That time has passed and I have been trying to fix my life, and it turned for the best. Also, I you want to have a good time (to make you feel better :D) just have Hangover. Smoke it off and drink some beer. Do it with friends. That's what I do atleast every friday :D.

SileNt-Sam responds:

sounds like fun ^^
but that's a part of the problem .. i traveled to study in another country and i miss my friends :(
i made many friends here but they're not as cool as the old ones .. ugh lucky you hehe


Elias-ZElias-Z

2014-09-13 04:51:51

Depression is a bitch,but you really must not allow it to defeat you.
I had similar feelings in the 8th grade,really every fucking day was all the same and i had nothing to be happy about anymore.But that's something common for teenagers.
Now the ''sin'' thing.......
I had no such problems back then,but to be honest you should really ignore them.I wasn't really caring about sins,everybody does sins,i had other things t care aboit.
And what's the problem if have gay friends?
Trust me,the people who call the gays sinners are the most dumb and stupid in the whole fucking world.
So you should ignore them.
You're a teen!
Have fun,enjoy life,the teen years are the coolest ones in life,and if you can't enjoy em' now,you won't be able to get em' back.
Get a girlfirend,drink 59 cokes a day,play video games,enjoy your life man!
Life is short,live it while you can.

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx man :)


Elias-ZElias-Z

2014-09-13 04:58:03

Also here's a quote that i remember seeing in a movie (with a guy who actually killed himself some weeks ago):
Suicide is a permanent solution for temporar problems.

SileNt-Sam responds:

indeed .. i'm not up to that thing anyways


BobieThe11thBobieThe11th

2014-09-13 05:19:51

holy shit man, I hope you'll feel better! Just remember all of the awesome things you have and ARE, like you said, how tough and smart you are. just stay strong, it's just a time in your life and one day you'll look back at it and laugh! :D

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx man i hope so c:


MelindiMelindi

2014-09-13 12:42:32

Hopefully when you wake up you'll feel better.. sleep can really turn things around.
Your friends aren't sinners, your drawings aren't sins.. alot of people love your work and I'm pretty sure that your fans sent you messages saying so. And being the real you is definitely not a sin. You've helped so many people in your life! You're a strong guy Sam.. I know so (: Don't let this swallow you up. Now I know I'm terrible at cheering people up.. but I can't just act like I didn't see this.
Hopefully you'll gather your strength and overcome this gray (:

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx sweetie i will c:
ugh it was one hell of a week honestly but i'm feeling better now .. still got some stuff to deal with tho , anyways .. hope i didn't make you worried .. can't wait to see you again ^^


Elias-ZElias-Z

2014-09-13 13:29:18

Melindi is right.
From my point of view everything was alright until you went to those priests.
I mean,are your drawings or homosexual friends hurting God in any way???
It's your choice,if you like to draw what you draw,and if you like hanging out with those guys,do it!
You can't stop doing what you like because some priests told you so.
If you can't do what you like anymore because of those priests,than stop listening to them.
I know you for a long time,and you aren't a sinner.
You where one of the first friends i got when i joined NG.
You are a good guy.
Nobody lives forever,enjoy your life! :D

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx my friend :D i will ^^


kkotskkots

2014-09-13 14:41:59

I don't understand why drawing is a sin. You should go back to the priest and ask about that in more detail. Nothing is a sin except for envy, gluttony, greed, pride, sloth, lust, wrath. How the Hell does drawing relate to those?? Do not just get disappointed when you hear that something is bad, you must understand why it is bad and how to do it correctly - that's number one rule of learning.

Isolating yourself from gay friends is against Bible in case if they want to talk to you. You may isolate yourself from the sexual topic, so as to avoid the lust sin. However, you do not need to isolate yourself from whole people just to not talk with them about sexual topics. That's just ridiculous and an overkill solution for the problem. Explain that to the priest. Do not forget to mention that you must be kind to ALL people on earth, and that is one of the virtues which you will otherwise miss out on.

If drawing is your purpose in life, you need to explain to the priest that by claiming it to be sin, he's depriving you of your purpose and turning to depression and eventually suicide. The priest is obligated to give you a new, correct, sin-less purpose, and if he refuses, then he's slacking off with his job and you should complain about him to the other priests. He might change his mind about the entire "sin" problem swiftly when he hears threatening.

SileNt-Sam responds:

indeed man .. thanks for caring .. i'll see what i can do


theonewingedangel234theonewingedangel234

2014-09-13 17:09:44

do what the heart tells you not some dude who thinks he/she's the voice of god and you need to stay cuz you have friends ond here that care and worrie about you (sorry for my bad spelling)

SileNt-Sam responds:

thanks my friend :)


Fivestar811Fivestar811

2014-09-13 20:50:59

Dude you can see we all care for YOU! Look at our comments. Drawing isn't sin at all, and you've been so nice to us for years, I can't think of anyone nicer than you. And we totally respect that man. Just.... Be.... YOU!!! That's all. Lets just keep doing what we are doing. Being nice to others, contributing, and being awesome. I may be 20 years old now but I still have teen left in me!!!!

SileNt-Sam responds:

thanks man .. that's what i needed to hear :)


tailsbuddytailsbuddy

2014-09-14 06:48:53

Eh,just fuck that feeling off man,ain't it time for some change? Like you said, dude, you're lost, and that's what we're here for you.I mean, if you're alone, why would you even be here? We're here for you, and that's what you SHOULD know.We might be thousands of miles apart from each other, but we're still a team, and as a team, we care for each other.

About the "sinner" thing, from my point of view, religion isn't always true. No, I'm not an atheist, but I live in a multi-cultural country, and that made me realize that there isn't always an answer for things,and sometimes there are some rules you have to break.Plus,in my opinion, the "lust" sin isn't really a sin. I mean, everyone is naked till the invention of clothes,so in one way or another, the things we call "porn" is pretty much a part of our usual lives.I'd rather say that your drawins are....primitive in a way,and that's where we all start from.(Not trying to offend anyone here.)And so, if you want to blame your headache and feelings of guilt, blame clothes,it's clearly their fault.

But the thing is, if you ever feel lost, you could find us, I'm pretty sure we're more than willing to give you imaginary hugs. <3

(Updated ) SileNt-Sam responds:

oh clothes ? lol finally found something to balme hehe
thx sweetie .. it's been a week now and thx to all your helps i feel a lot better :)


Happy-Little-TreesHappy-Little-Trees

2014-09-15 22:59:29

suicide is in no way weakness

SileNt-Sam responds:

it is in a way or another , no matter how dark it is you can't give up and suicide


Elias-ZElias-Z

2014-09-16 08:41:23

IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 4 KILLIN DA PERSON THAT KILLED U!
......__________________
...../_==o;;;;;;;;______[]
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
WE TRUE HOMIES
WE RIDE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get a 13 your A TRUE HOMIE

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx bro :)


nick251nick251

2014-09-17 18:19:51

We all have our ups and downs and when I was feeling depressed (which I am still feeling to this very day) I felt like gouging my fucking eyes out and just ending it all but you know what I kept my humanity and I kept pushing forward.We all tend to look at ourselves and say "I can't do it because I'm just human" but that is the very thing that makes us who we are,the thing about depression is a human being can survive almost anything, as long as they see the end in sight, but depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end.

But it doesn't matter how hard life hits you it matter's if you get up and keep pushing forward. I know my old sam and one of my best friends wouldn't give up just because they felt lost,I remember when you were a nobody here and you climbed up the ranks like there was no tomorrow and today you have over 350 fans and thats a pretty good acheivement. I also remember when you left me and just treated me like nothing while I watched every artwork,every post, every reply you made and I even wished that you would have a happy life when I saw a shooting star once.

If you want to become a doctor then be the best doctor by saving lives with pride, if you want to become a hero then save humanity and be brave or die trying, If you want to become immortal then travel the stars among us and seek for truth and knowledge. The sky is the limit my friend so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails....explore, dream and Discover.

You must stay strong, you have to let the people be the support of your fortress and hold your ground and guard it with pride,courage and strength so that you can prepare for the great battle that comes in the future.The one thing all famous authors, world class athletes, business tycoons, singers, actors, and celebrated achievers in any field have in common is that they all began their journeys when they were none of these things.

You only live once Sam................................................Make use of it my friend....I shall continue watching you with great interest but for now I have done all I can for a valuable friend like you.Stay safe,Live long and prosper.

SileNt-Sam responds:

man , i never left you or felt like you're nothing .. you're one of my first friends here and you always had your place in my heart bro , other than that all what you said was right .. i didn't give up so far so do i give up now .. thank you man .. i will and i really wish the same for you , bro


SicPanNGSicPanNG

2014-09-18 19:44:37

Am I supposed to believe this?

SileNt-Sam responds:

am i supposed to give a fuck if you do or not ?


fauzan1234fauzan1234

2014-09-19 09:16:38

pls don't kill yourself


fauzan1234fauzan1234

2014-09-19 09:22:08

all people have talent and u my friend is the most talented, smartest ,toughest and the most coolest guy i know

SileNt-Sam responds:

thank you man :)


VicariousEVicariousE

2014-09-19 13:51:59

The news from your country hasn't been too tolerant lately... be careful!

SileNt-Sam responds:

Yeah btw I travelled to another country to study there and i think that's why I got really depressed .. missingmy old friends :/


SicPanNGSicPanNG

2014-09-19 20:51:36

You should have put more thought into your story. This is obviously your way of getting people to actually talk to you. If your depressed, go to a fucking doctor.

SileNt-Sam responds:

I don't need to do something like that to make people here talk to me , NG is my second family and I grew up here .. and please, stop talking about depression like you know how it feels .. you're disgusting me


StarShine0911StarShine0911

2014-09-19 21:57:25

... I remember when you told me off for bein suicidal I cried after reading what you wrote it's been what like 6 months since I wrote you that pm..? Look I'm not being rude I get this for somereason EVERYONE including me is having emotional drama and ticks right now. He'll I'm still suicidal so are most of my best friends but the worst thing about it is everyone's to damned afriad it takes so much courage to decide that but it's not a good goal you have to remember that what you do affects everyone else aswell Sam. Things like suicide cause a chain reaction And that's the worst part thinking if I die the people I love the most might die aswell.
So think about what your doing but if you do kill yourself... Just think about what you've done to others emotions and remember to leave a note saying why your last words to special people.
This is goodbye for now,

SileNt-Sam responds:

like i said no matter how dark it gets i won't kill myself .. i'd never do that even if i wish if i could
i guess you already know how it feels like .. well hope you're better now .. as for me it's been like couple weeks now and i feel a bit better .. but still looking for the truth , hope i didn't got you worried it's all good now :)
be safe


nick251nick251

2014-09-21 12:04:54

happi madnuess dauy? ^^

SileNt-Sam responds:

oh man i can't believe i missed the madness day this year .. ugh i wanted to draw something but i was busy with school >.>


yangphengyangpheng

2014-09-21 16:07:48

You're just like me, we changed.

SileNt-Sam responds:

indeed


Fivestar811Fivestar811

2014-09-22 21:59:23

Happy Madness Day. Hope you'll be back soon :)

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx man :)


TurkeyOnAStickTurkeyOnAStick

2014-09-23 07:08:18

You should show your priest the drawings you make, and see if he still considers it to be a sin.

SileNt-Sam responds:

most of what i draw is rated A so that wouldn't be a nice idea hehe


jake45128jake45128

2014-09-23 19:57:54

Sorry bro,and if you don't remember me it's fine barely anyone does we used to hang out and everything even I got depressed...Anyway I want to say hi I thought you never were on this site but anyway you are cool remember that and I will always think that bye.

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx man , yeah i'm mostly off these days but i hope i'll be back soon .. best wishes :)


RealFactionRealFaction

2014-09-24 00:27:10

Before I say this, I've been there dude. I know what you mean, but I'm going to tell you some deep and dark truths at an early age. I apologize if this offends any Christians, but this is open-minded, because I opened my mind a long time ago regarding this stuff, and I learned the truth.

Let me fill you in (as a Christian, and a concerned creative individual, and you may not believe me, but most people don't get God) on how most priests work. They say a LOT is a sin, that's actually not. Also, a lot of priests rape people, some are selfish and greedy, but SOME are kind-hearted, but are ignorant simply because they're afraid to go to hell, FEAR, and inner misery. Also, much of the bible has been written over and over and man has actually twisted a lot of history bending it to their will. For example, the Crusades.

Now I'm not trying to tell anyone not to believe, but rather to open their eyes to feel relief, to feel peace. Most Christians never feel that peace because they feel the need to be constantly on each other. You think God wants that? People have used religion in selfishness and fear, out of being lost, rather than seeing the full truth.

I believe in God, but most people don't understand how it all works. People take things so seriously and are afraid to do wrong. You know what God wants? Don't shelter yourself, see the real world, what it is. Listen to your heart, and if it's nothing bad against anyone else, and as long as you're true to YOU, and you're not doing any harm to yourself that's what matters.

Priests kick people down like homosexuals, and God doesn't like that. The ultimate question is, "Am I not an evil asshole?", and as long as you fit that criteria, you're good. I rarely share my beliefs (because im not like them who shove it down peoples throats and scare them I actually show people compassion without expectations), but this is why I abandoned churches, because of their ridiculous anxious beliefs like how scared they are to go to hell, but all you gotta do is be in the positive.

Am I saying all churches are bad? Nope! There ARE few who actually have great caring communities, but I don't agree with some of the things they do, some of it being respectable, while others like bashing homosexuals, is not. So in conclusion, draw your heart out, but be constructive with it :) hope this helps. Hang in there!

SileNt-Sam responds:

thx man .. i read it all but i don't have enough time now to respond about it all but what you said is right .. all tho i shouldn't just believe what he said and take it too serious , he's not any better than me and i can find the truth myself .. but tho what you said makes sense .. thanks for caring :)


SpikeVallentineSpikeVallentine

2014-09-24 15:16:40

Hey, sent you an email!

SileNt-Sam responds:

got it ! sorry for taking too long to respond but i've been extremely busy .. thank you so much


chris-the-stick2chris-the-stick2

2014-09-25 19:58:31

well, i read it all.
sam. listen to me very carefully. perhaps you dont even remember me anymore, but LOOK AT MY WORDS VERY CAREFULLY.
whatever you do, whatever the situation, NO MATTER WHAT, do not suicide.
i repeat. DO NOT HARM YOURSELF.
this is not the solution, and you know it deep inside.
if you have good parents, it will shatter their hearts, and it will tear them apart.
if you have friends, it will destroy them, and guilt will be always with them for not stopping you. (or for not noticing your problems in time.).
if you read this, listen to me. dont do anything futile and stupid.
do not harm yourself. do not suicide.

you might wander ''why would a stranger over the internet would care about me?''
well, and i answer: because i want to help you sam.
i am your friend, and i want to help you. (tho friend is an odd name for an internet friendship, but i digress.)

do not do anything stupid.

and most importantly, what has happened that broke the balance in your life? what was the event that caused you so much depression?!

did the church call your drawings a sin? i bet they never saw true art in their lives, and who are they to call somethign a sin? only God can judge us and our works, not them.
remember goya. remember rembrandt. remember ciciliano. all those artists were in danger, because the church considered their art a ''sin'', while everyone else considered them masterpeieces of art. (which they were.)
michelangelo drew naked people, and he was called a sinner. but michalangelo saved someone from death in his lifetime, and he even ended up drawing for capella sixtina, so is art a sin?
NO. art is not a sin. people who do crimes sin.
not people who do paintings.

also: why does your priest say that you cannot be with your best friends?
WHO CARES if they are gay?
noone. so, be back with them, and be their friend once again.
being friends with someone is not a sin. hurting people is a sin.
so, if you hurt yourself and suicide, thats the worst thing you can do to your loved ones, and the greatest sin of all time.
because you will waste your life for nothing.

you can do things, sam. you can DRAW. you are an ARTIST.
create art, and ignore the priests, the people, the so-called helpers who call you a sinner for your arts.

listen to me. dont give up.
try to draw again, and try to have friends again, and try to live again.
you can do it.

SileNt-Sam responds:

thank man , and i do take online friends seriously , they're my second family for sure ..
i've got a lot of stress on my shoulders and that's what caused me depression .. mostly because i moved to another country to study there and i'm really missed my old friends and one of my best friends died 2 weeks ago and i couldn't even go to his funeral , that's one of my 99 problems .. but like you said no matter how hard it gets i'd never harm myself .. thanks man :)


VicariousEVicariousE

2014-10-01 20:26:58

Sorry I couldn't draw you a birthday present, but I hope this celebratory thread will do!
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1375735

SileNt-Sam responds:

aww man :) thank you so much .. totally made my day !


RealFactionRealFaction

2014-10-02 14:10:50

Yep you got it :) you're welcome.


VicariousEVicariousE

2014-10-02 16:42:29

Ha! Dude, hearing from you always makes my day! I meant every word of what I said in the opening of the thread.... kinda jumped the gun by a few hours, just wanted to make sure it happened :)


JackimusultimusJackimusultimus

2015-05-12 23:25:16

I do not know if i make the past up here or no.
My english is not good please forgive me.

I just make a sign up here now when i read this.

It is no a sin to be happy my friend this priest was wrong in saying what he say to you.
True religion is to be happy to others always no matter what. Love is mutual and it come from all sides even if you do not get it back