and yes, i'm still alive.. sorry for getting you all worried, i just disappeared without warning and never talked to anyone, i know.. it's my fault, for everyone who cares.. i'm sorry, it wasn't easy for me as well :c 

but if ya gimme a minute here i'll explain... well i'm not sure where to start, you guys know i've had a bad days lately, and i thank you all for holding my back those days, i wouldn't make it without you :) but when i thought it's getting better.. my father passed away :( yeah... that's when all the bullshit began, just put yourself in my position, you're in a strange country, no friends and no one to trust, and above all that your father dies... i won't lie i was mentally and physically destroyed by that, why physically? because someone had to pay for our school bills, over 4700USD for me and my couple lil sisters, keep away the bus bills and daily things, so i had to sell my laptop, PS3, phone and pretty much everything i got and started working 7\24 after school to keep it up with all that :\ 

that's what happend in short, all tho now i'm all good, i'm in the UK London now, living in gradma's house -.- at least it's better this way, much bigger house and i don't have to do everything myself and work my ass all day .-. 

okay.. enough with the sad part, i'm doing great now :) i think i got depressed to bad that i stopped feeling bad about it XD at least that's the only good thing i came out with >.> i still miss my dad tho.. specially that Fathers Day been few days ago.. but eh we gotta move on and hope he's in a better place now <3 :) 

so.... man i've been off the internet for ages o.o i feel like a caveman XD 

how's everyone holding up out there? hope you're all doing great :) i really missed you all <3 each and everyone of you ^.^ and again, i'm so sorry for getting you all woried..

and still got over 40 PMs to read and let away DA notes, i feel bad for leaving you guys like that, but i also feel great knowing there's people out there holding my back when i need it <3 i love you all :') 

i'm back now and hopefully i'll start drawing again soon ^^ please let me know how you've been while i'm off :)

hope i'm not late on the party ! ;D

happy halloween everybody c: hope you had some fun and didn't waste it studying math like i did xD

ugh what should i say o.o i was working on some madness-style halloween pic but sadly i couldn't get it done sine i was pretty busy studing -.- and i'm so sorry ManaSakura for not getting your birthday gift done o.o happy birthday anyways ^^

hmm what else ? :P

i didn't have much time to see all the halloween entries but this one is the best i saw so far :D

by the amazing artist LegolaSS :D

hope you're having a great time everyone ^^

hope this school would end soon so i can get back here o.o i'm missing you guys cx

peace ! ;D

Dat movie was awesome ! 

i've got nothing else to post about so yeah ^^

feeling a lot better than my last post o.o

thx guys ^^ 

and oh my burthdayz was 3 days ago ;D 

now i can finally make an ID cx

Well ... i really don't know where to start from ... and yeah you're probably saying its just another one of my depression periods and that's true... but this time is different .. i never thought i'd say this but i feel so weak .. its like the 100th time i get depressed this year but this time is different .. its bigger than just depression this time .. way bigger .. its digging deep in my heart and feels like something is eating the core of my soul .. i feel so lost .. so i went to a priest seeking his help and bless .. and honestly i'm not sure if he helped me or actually made it worse on me .. but truth be told he opened my eyes on things i didn't know... don't know how or why but it Made me feel even more lost and hurt ... i know it sounds stupid to you but while i'm writing this i'm missing my grave more than anytime else ... that's why i feel weak .. i always laughed on people who suicide and about how weak they're .. but now i cant blame them .. i bet i feel much worse than what they used to feel ... i swear it feels like my whole life was a lie ... like what lived building all these years has just crashed and burned to ashes... i swear my head hurts like hell its about to blow ... all my dreams and fantasies were the base of my hell .. even my best friends were the ones who hurts me the most and they didn't even know.. its all my fault .. When i finally thought my life is perfect turned out it wasn't ever worse .. my whole life crashed in 3 seconds and that's the time toke me to understand the priests words and realize that my last hope just crashed... ugh and my head hurts like hell from all that stress and thinking ... i don't know why i'm even writing this it doesn't matter anymore ... the Sam you always knew is dead inside.. just another lost soul waiting for its judgment day .. i always been showing off about how tough and smart i am .. never thought it takes me seconds to watch my life crashing down .. so many things chanced this day .. i cant draw anymore because its a "sin" .. i cant be the true me because its a "sin" .. i cant be with my best friends because they're homosexuals or "sinners" like they said ... the only thing i can do and not a sin is staying alone ... the only things that been keeping me alive is now a sin ... what i'm living for then ? They say depression is temporary and soon you'll feel better ...but for me being depressed is the main life and being happy is the temporary satiation ... and that's seriously killing me inside .. never seen life this gray before .. no matter how many people i helped and people i made smile i never found anyone can do the same back to me.. anyways ..  i still got loads of things to say but okay i'll stop bitching about it .. i really need to sleep now .. and truly i don't wanna wake up afterward .. thanks for your support everyone , i greatly appreciate it .. it was nice meeting you all 

i love you all :D

have you seen it ? no ? good =.=

i drew that but i did NOT upload it .. i leave my laptop open for few minutes and that's what i get -.-

just .. forget you saw that O.o 

ugh peace..

hey guys ^^

ugh .. as you know school started for some of us and almost there for others .. 

so as i do for every yeah .. i'll be taking a break till i get along and pass my first school weeks :\ 

gosh why we have to do this every year :' 

also check this amazing draw , can you guess who are they ? :3

if not ,  check this out , thx a lot sis c: 

.. 

so what else do i have to say ? wish me luck guys and see you in couple weeks :') 

oh wait i'm not ^,,~ .. anyways we should be thankful for what we have eh ?

 yeah now start bitching about how ugly she is but she just don't give a fuck , and that's what we all should learn , yeah not giving a fuck \o/

if you know these songs then you had a wonderful childhood <3

so .. i haven't post anything in like 2 months :\ 

were pretty busy lately and my pen was broken -.-

but now i finally got it to work so expect some new works soon ^^ 

and hey how's everyone doing ? :D i've missed anything ? ^^ or anyone missed me ? :P